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Due to increasing products liability litigation, alcohol manufacturers have
accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning 
labels be placed immediately on all alcohol containers: 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when 
you are not. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring 
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers 
are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wandering what the hell 
happened to your trousers. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can converse 
logically with members of the opposite sex without spitting. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung
Fu

powers. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning 
and see something really scary (whose species or name you can't remember). 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug 
burns on the forehead. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are 
tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named
Franz.


WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe fat ugly people 
appear slim and attractive. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones 
appearing in your home. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe people are laughing
WITH you. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause in influx in the time-space 
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time seem to 
literally disappear. 

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy. 
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